* * * * *
* * * * *
Quotes:
Underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely
shame and the paralyzing fear of being ordinary.
BRENÉ BROWN
* * * * *
Never defend yourself to a narcissist. They already know you’re right!
They just want you to go crazy trying to prove it.
Author Unknown
* * * * *
Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested.
Everything you say can and will be used against
Author Unknown
* * * * *
(This YouTube video is 12:44 in length, below is the transcript)
* * * * *
all right so a lot of times when I’ve talked about narcissism to people
they either haven’t experienced it
haven’t gone through it or
don’t know anything about it
they don’t really understand
they don’t understand like what’s going on
like what’s going through the other person’s head
they don’t understand that-that type of abuse exists out there and
one of the areas
one of the realms
circles that I’ve experienced
that a lot in is in a lot of different christian circles
so whatever type of religion
like just christianity as a whole
a lot of times doesn’t seem to understand the concept of narcissism
doesn’t understand like
what’s actually going on with it and for me
what I’ve experienced is a lot of times people just either look down on it or
they just kind of think like oh this doesn’t exist and
that was something that I grew up with for a long period of time
it wasn’t necessarily consciously taught to me but it was subconscious
through interactions
through people that I interacted with
through my upbringing
through the the church scene
like different things
like that-that a lot of like mental health
was like discounted and it was kind of shoved to the side of
okay well you just need to trust God and be better or
you just need to confess your sin
then you won’t be dealing with
you know
whatever you’re dealing with there
are different things
like that and while I do think there’s
uh truth to that
uh I do think there’s also an aspect that a lot of times people discount mental health issues and
people just discounts like what’s actually going on
inside people’s heads
inside people’s brains and um
while I am a believer and
I am a person that says that you know I believe God can change and work
in anybody’s heart
in anybody’s life
I do think there also is the point that He’s not just going to manipulate people and
He’s not going to make them do whatever but
He gives them a choice and
He gives them that free will and
the hard thing is like
some people were like God can change anybody and I’m like – yes God can change anybody but
at the same time the other person has to be willing to change
they have to be willing to be honest
they have to be willing to be open to admitting that they’re wrong you know
admitting that they have sin in their lives
like whatever
it might be and a lot of times in Christian circles
it comes across like narcissism isn’t a thing like
it’s not real
it’s not uh as abusive or it’s not as manipulative or it’s not as like selfish or whatever
as what it is um or
it’s just explained a way of like oh well
they’re just dealing with a lot of pride right now or
they’re dealing with a lot of selfishness or
maybe they’ve just not been fulfilled in a certain area
so that’s why they’re cheating or like
different things like that and for me a lot of times
it’s hard to explain it to some people so
I was reading um a couple months ago and then it came back up just in in reading again and the
other night I shared it on a live and I actually sat down and kind of like read through a little bit of the bible
and shared a little bit on
a lot of how I see narcissism in the bible and for me
it’s actually going back to um
the almost the second last letter the second last letter in the book of the bible of the letter of Jude and
going in there
this got warnings
of just the history of the ungodly of like
what’s going on and as I kind of look through it
I wanted to share a little bit today
maybe you’ll enjoy this episode
maybe not um
I don’t really care because this is what I’m I’m experiencing
what I’m going through and
what I wanted to share with you guys but um
so it starts off Jude and
it starts going through like the first couple sentences like acknowledging
like what’s going on you know
this is James (Jude) is talking um you know to to
write there and then um
as we get down into it
it says in verse 4 it says
for certain people have crept in unnoticed
just as they were sneaking in by a side door so like
these people are like infiltrating the church
the believers like the godly people
there they’re infiltrating this and these people they’re ungodly persons
it says ungodly persons
whose condemnation was predicted long ago for they distort the grace of God into decadence
and in moral freedom
viewing it as an opportunity to do whatever they want so like
the idea of like becoming a Christian
now I’m saved
now I can check that box
now I can do whatever I want like that’s not Christianity um and that’s not having a relationship with God
and they deny and disown our only master and Lord Jesus Christ so anyways so
He’s talking about these people that are like infiltrating like literally
like sneaking in the side door
sneaking into Christianity
sneaking into people’s lives and this is where you see like
I think narcissism like
invading the church
invading Christianity um
so then I want to skip a couple verses so I can give like more description okay so it’s
talking in verse 8 and it says
nevertheless in the same way these dreamers
so it’s all about the same people that are sneaking in
these dreamers who are dreaming that God will not punish them
and this was like really crazy because as a narcissist like one of
the things is I live in the moment I want to be only present with what I
when I’m at and I’m ignoring all shame and guilt
because I don’t want to get punished by that
I don’t want to think about that
I don’t want to acknowledge it so
it’s literally like
the idea of like it says dreamers
here like is
the idea of like
lying to myself
like gaslighting myself of like
this isn’t gonna happen like it’s not a big deal like
I can do whatever I want that kind of thing
these dreamers that are dreaming that God will not punish them also defile the body
so narcissism a lot of times defiles the body
with different substances
with different abuse um
with other people like all this type of stuff um and
reject legitimate authority wow because
authority is built on boundaries is built on actual legitimate boundaries that authority is set in place
whether that’s government
whether that’s uh schools
churches like whatever it might be um or
whether that’s relationships like there’s like different aspects of like authority and respect and
boundaries that a narcissist doesn’t handle that they don’t like
I don’t like boundaries
boundaries a lot of times for narcissus it’s just a challenge
how can I break them
how do I get past them because I’m rebellious and
I think it’s all about me um
also defile the body
reject legitimate authority and
revile and mock angels okay and so
then down here verse 10 um
so these men
so the same people we’re talking about
sneer at anything which they do not understand
and i was like whoa that is so true in my life
so like early on when um Kale and I were married
like there was stuff that she would struggle with like
depression-anxiety
and because of my upbringing because of the circles that I’d been in and because of my own life
I didn’t really view those as being real
I was like okay you struggle with anxiety
like just trust God more like be
more confident like uh get your head out of the same
like just keep going like
I didn’t think that it was real because for me as a narcissist
if I hadn’t experienced it
if it wasn’t something that I had firsthand knowledge of then I was like
that doesn’t exist like you know
just be better like they just didn’t connect in one sense
these slander anything which they do not understand and
whatever they do by mere instinct like unreasonable and irrational beast
like wow
that’s very true as well like a lot of the stuff that I do
is by instinct you know
lying by instinct or you know
avoiding something my instinct
running away from something by instinct
hiding from a conversation like
manipulating someone else
a lot of it over a period of time becomes very instinctual of
this is what I need to do to survive
this is what I need to protect myself
this is what I need to do to not get the result that I don’t want et cetera-et cetera and so
then skipping down to verse 12
i’m going to say here in Jude verse 12
these men are hidden reefs and elements of great danger to others
like how true is that like often times you think of a reef and if it’s hidden like
the boat doesn’t see it
all of a sudden the boat runs the ground
it can capsize the boat
it can rip the boat up
it can you know
ship break
the entire boat
just by it running over this reef and
often times that’s what a narcissist looks like
they look like a great person
a great experience
like an awesome thing
a beautiful beautiful sunset
whatever it might be and then
all of a sudden you run aground like you
run into the reef because of the fact
that they’ve got a lot of hidden stuff underneath
that you didn’t actually know about
so what seemed great on the surface wasn’t too great once you got below
it again with verse 12 um
in their love feasts they feast together without um sorry
in their love feasts they feast together with you without fear looking after only themselves
like how true is that like majority of narcissists don’t fear you
like they’ll yell at you
they’ll scream at you
they’ll rage at you and oftentimes
they’ll walk around and having blatant lies and really not having much fear about it
like they’ll walk out of the house and go be with someone else
they’ll have another relationship with someone else
they’ll interact with both of you at the same time in the same room and
they don’t have any fear about it because
they’re living in the moment
they’re not really caring about the other person
they’re not really caring about you know respecting another person’s boundaries or whatever it might be
and they have literally like no fear a lot of times
just to do whatever they want
they’re like clouds without water
swept along by the winds
autumn trees without fruit
doubly dead
uprooted and lifeless
like when you think about that they have like clouds that aren’t bringing anything to the table and
they’re like trees that aren’t producing any fruit like
they’re literally just dead inside as far as
they’re not bringing anything to the table
they’re not helping out in any way
they’re not engaging
they’re not doing anything
except literally just sucking the life away from you
I mean that’s a lot of times what narcissism is um
wild waves of the sea flinging up their own shame like foam
and I was like holy cow because a lot of narcissism is built on shame
is built on insecurities
is built on hiding from that guilt like
running away from that accountability and so as a result like
I’m gonna take any shame that I have and I’m gonna use that to whip and push you around and so
it’s like the idea of like
these wild waves of the sea flinging up their own shame
like foam
like when I have shame
that’s what I’m going to rage harder
that’s when i’m going to make your life tumultuous and
really just destroy a lot of things that you’re used to like
put you off balance
put you off kilter
like take away
like your safety
your comfort and everything like that because I have to be able to take my shame that I’m feeling
and either put it on you
or transition it so that iIm not experiencing it
so that I’m not held accountable for it and
if I can push it on anyone else
then I feel better about myself and then
I can move on uh
wandering stars from the gloom of deep darkness has been reserved forever
um and then verse 16
these people are habitual murmurs
so constantly complaining griping complaining
following after their own desires controlled by passion
now how true is that like a narcissist like they’re controlled so many times by passion
well I did this because I wanted to like
I cheated because you weren’t giving me what I wanted
I did this because it’s what I wanted
I obsessed over this
I jumped into you know drugs-alcohol whatever
it is like they become obsessive
addictive in a lot of nature because
they’re only run by their own instincts
run by
their own passions
their own desires um
they speak arrogantly
very true so i think everybody agree with that and then
the last part of verse 16
pretending admiration and flattering people to gain an advantage
like right there you have like a lot of the boxes checked on even like the dsm-5 level of like
what’s actually going on but then
you also have just like basic characteristics of what a lot of narcissists do so like
the the love bombing
the gaslighting
the manipulation like all the types of things of-of
speaking pretending admiration and flattering other people like
love bombing and-and building someone up in order to be able to get something from them
in order to be able to gain advantage
of who they are
what they’re doing
what they know
so they can control and manipulate another person
anyways random note
I just wanted to share that with you guys today
something I showed the other day on my live
that I saw that was um in here um
I don’t put a ton of stuff up here about my faith but
that is something that I saw that I wanted to put out there because
I think a lot of times um Christianity as a whole discounts narcissism and mental health and
want to put out that
hey it’s pretty clear that it’s in there as well of
all the different attributes
all different things
that’s going on with that
they’re in there and so people need to give it more weight than what they do
if you like what you see here subscribe to my channel
would love to interact with you more
follow me on tick tock
facebook I want to be able to interact there if you’re listening on apple podcast or spotify
thanks so much give me a couple stars
just to spread the message about narcissism and how it’s affecting other people’s lives and everything
like that if you’d like to meet one time uh
whether you’re a narcissist
whether you’re a person in a narcissistic abusive relationship
would love to meet with you
love to help
coach you
any way that I can to get closure
to break the lies
to be able to work as you progress farther on life and kind of
deal with things step by step
anyways if you want that reach out rawmotivations.com
I would love to have you interact there
I’ve got one-on-ones on there videos
the podcast also a tab for the
narc app
as we’re trying to get that slowly off the ground as it’s
getting approval pretty soon
but anyways thanks thanks for listening
* * * * *